Hi awesome mommies,
Do you ever have a bad day? I started out today on an emotional landslide. I cried and smeared mascara and told my husband how terrible a wife I am. I’m a horrible organizer and housekeeper and mom and everything. Poor guy. He said he loved me then gave me an awkward, stiff hug before backing, slowly out of the room. I know I was nonsensical. There was nothing he could do.
Then I tried to accomplish something. Maybe that would help. I organized all our socks. It was quite an accomplishment and I did feel better, but then I went downstairs. My little darlings had accomplished nothing. Not a chore was done. Not a bit of schoolwork checked off their lists. Not even the table was cleared, the laundry wasn’t folded….
Blah, blah, blah. The day continued on in depressing swirling eddies down down to oblivion.
I almost hit a pedestrian at Walmart.
As I sit here, staring at my computer, seeking solace and listening to my husband’s snoring (he’s taking a nap), I realize I don’t have the answer. I’m not even sure what the question is except, How do I turn this day around? Or, better, How do I turn my feelings of failure and depression into the hope and peace I long for?
(I have to admit, my husband’s snores are cheering me up. I really love the way he snores, rhythmic, soft, then sometimes crazy snorting.)
In the midst of the yuck, I thought, “Maybe there’s a beauty to this frustration I feel.” I pondered a second…
Nah. Who am I kidding?
I don’t think there has to be an answer. I think sometimes we just have blucky days. Maybe the hope and peace come from embracing the bluck, knowing it’s okay to feel gross, and just going ahead and eating those chocolate chips that are hiding in my night stand.
I hope you have a great day, but if not. I’m feelin’ ya.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
(Psalm 34:18 ESV)