I look at that last blog post talking about how I re-gained my energy level and think—wow, I was feeling so good back then.
I also notice how I feared it would drop again. It did. In October my energy level plummeted (which is why I stopped posting on here).
I learned something though, which made the drop in energy worth the struggle. I learned to accept it. Man! It was one of the hardest lessons I’ve ever learned.
You see, I have all these goals, plans … dreams.
- To be an active, energetic wife who serves by keeping a clean home and doing little gestures to make my man feel loved
- To spend one-on-one time with the kids each day
- To meet my daily homeschooling goals (spelling, reading, writing, history, science, math, PE, music, art…no problem, right? Ha!)
- To fulfill my commitments to teach at our homeschool co-op
- To have speaking engagements whenever and wherever possible (I love it!)
- To be a real author—to me that means actively writing, marketing, and pursuing publication.
Sigh. When my energy level drops, I don’t perfectly accomplish ANY of these goals. Some I manage to do poorly, some I abandon altogether. And I feel like a failure.
But I learned—well, I’m starting to learn—to accept the times when I can’t do these things. God uses me when I’m slugging in bed too.
I tend to equate God using me with all those bullet points up there, but that’s my definition, not His. Maybe he wants me to lay in bed all day, resting. Yes, maybe he wants that. Sound like a bizzarre concept? That God would desire for me to struggle? When you think about it, when I have no energy, my kids learn so much:
- to rely on Jesus
- compassion
- to work together
- independence
- house-cleaning skills
- how to make awesome peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
- and more
Plus, my husband gets the opportunity to lay down his life for me, as a picture of Christ.
And me? Well, I learn to rest in His love, not based on accomplishing my bullet points, but based on Him accomplishing His work on the cross—and in my heart every day, whether I’m up and at it or resting.
And that makes me rejoice!
Update: I’m doing better! My friend encouraged me to try juicing. LOL! I’ll try anything and it seems to be helping. Keep me in your prayers!
Please feel free to share your story or prayer requests with me. I’d love to pray for you.
God bless you, my friends. And remember to keep loving your kids like there’s no tomorrow.
Ocieanna
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